thanks to a friend, i have been reading this great book!  and it has truly been amazing for me to read.  just really, really good stuff.  i want to give you some quotes that are really speaking to me!

Love and fear are enemies.  They have completely different sources.  love is from God, and His enemy produces fear.  We need some methods, tools and skills to respond to our child’s sin in such a way that we create love, not fear.  …But if all we have is what we were given, most of us have tools that create anxiety, because we are afraid.  “I’m scared, so let me teach you a lesson.  The lesson is, be afraid when I am afraid.”

But on the cross, Jesus dealt with the condition that required God to relate to us from the outside.  As a result, punishment, wrath, and intimidation have all disappeared from His attitude toward us.  God is a safe place.  Because sin has been dealt with in the New Covenant, we no longer need to be punished or controlled but need to learn to manage our freedom reponsibly, which changes the goal of government as well as the goal of parenting.  When love and freedom replace punishment and fear as the motivating forces in the relationship between parent and child, the quality of life improves dramatically for all involved.  They feel safe with each other, and the anxiety that created distance in the relationships is chased away by the sense of love, honor and value for one another.

Isn’t that good stuff?  Here’s more:

This connection (heart-to-heart) replaces the disrespect factory and introduces the honor factory.  The practice of honor brings power to relationships and the individuals in those relationships.

Therefore, we indroduce freedom to our small children, and we allow them to practice messing it up when they have a safety net in our home.  We create a safe place for them to fail and to learn about life, they end up saying, “This is the safest place I’ve got, right here at home.  You can handle my mistakes,  I can be myself, and you can find out about who I am.  I can practice life, and I can run to you in my time of trouble, because you are an ever-present help.  I want into get in your laps when I have sinned because they are the safest place I have on this earth.  There is no one who has demonstrated love like you have to me.”

Isn’t that what you want as a parent?  Isn’t that what you want to give to others?  Grace, freedom.  It’s life-changing, life-giving stuff.  I want to be a part of that. I want to breathe life into those around me.  I want to give them a glimpse of the Father’s love.  I want to show them a tender parent whose love is unwavering.  I want to empower them.  I want to encourage them to Jesus.  I want them to, at the end of my role, be thankful for how I lived my life and loved them.  I want bless them.

I want my actions to say this to them:

I will not allow anything to be more important to me than my connection to you.  Your homework will never be more important to me than my connection to you. Your obedience, your respect level, and your success at chores will never be more important to me than my connection to you.  There is nothing that I will allow to sever our connection on my side.  And I will work to let you experience the truth of that promise to I can help cast out the anxiety in your life.